How To Stop Caring What People Think (3 Confidence Hacks)

We explore three powerful strategies to build confidence and overcome the fear of judgment that holds many leaders back. Fear of judgment is the number one obstacle I've observed in 12 years of coaching leaders, entrepreneurs, and visionaries – but there are practical ways to move forward despite this fear.

• The goal isn't to eliminate all fear but to prevent fear from stopping you from sharing your gifts
• Being concerned about criticism is natural, but allowing it to silence you completely isn't acceptable
• Fear of judgment is deeply rooted in our evolutionary need for group acceptance
• Nervous system regulation helps manage emotional responses to criticism
• Depersonalize your mission by remembering it's bigger than your personal fears
• The people you're meant to impact are often quiet observers, not vocal critics
• Getting committed to your vision makes fear of judgment less powerful
• Confidence is innate but gets diminished by words spoken over us during formative years
• Consistent practice is the key to building confidence in any skill
• What others say about you has everything to do with them, not you

If you've been holding back due to fear of judgment, book a test drive consult at LisaJeffs.com or through the link in the show notes. I'd love to help you overcome these fears so you can achieve your vision and beyond.

Chapters

• 0:32 Welcome and Topic Introduction
• 1:13 Goal: Feel Fear But Act Anyway
• 5:09 Depersonalize Your Mission
• 8:05 Commit to Your Vision
• 12:32 Building Confidence Through Practice
• 15:17 Episode Wrap-Up and Call-to-Action

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:32

Welcome to the show leader. Today we're talking about three ways to be more confident so you can stop caring so much about what people think. Let's get right into this because this is such an important topic. I've been working with leaders, entrepreneurs, visionaires, creatives for almost 12 years now. And fear of judgment is the number one thing that holds people. Fear of what people will think of them, fear of what people might say. And a lot of this is a part of being a human. So number one is the goal isn't to stop caring. The goal is to not allow that fear to stop you from doing what you want to do, from putting yourself out there, from going after the goal you want, and not to allow it to stop you from inspiring others. So when we think that we need to eliminate all fear before we put ourselves out there, this is a losing battle. Ultimately, it's okay to not want to experience online trolls or Sally in Department XYZ from thinking this. Or whomever on the internet is putting stuff out on the internet. It's okay not to want to receive back hate or rude comments. What's not okay is if we allow that fear to become such a roadblock that we are not putting ourselves out there. And let me tell you, fear of judgment, it will steal your life if you allow it to. It is that strong. I hear it over and over and over and over. It is so number one, be okay, not loving the fact that the more I put myself out there, the more likely it is that I'm going to attract a mix of people. Some absolutely loving the work that I'm putting out, and some people disliking part of being a human being, right? When we think about what life was like many, many years ago, we needed to be in a safety relied on the people around us, right? It is within us to want to be in a grave, to not want to be outcasted from a group. The problem with this is it manifests itself into wanting to placate the masses. Put on top of that the whole issue with cancel culture that erupted a few years ago. And people are afraid to say what's on their heart, they're afraid to share their perspectives, or they're afraid to put themselves out in totality. The first step that I need to do is understand that we don't need to eliminate all fear complete. One thing that really helped me was doing nervous system work. So the first time that I had, we can call it my my first fool, which was many years ago, I wanted to go into the fetal position for two weeks. And it took me a while to put another video out to be vulnerable again. Took me a while. So doing work to regulate your nervous system, to doing work around emotional regulation. So when you see being's comments, if you do, or if you're not online and you're in an environment where you are worried that the people are going to start talking, or you are unsure of how the people in your environment are going to take you, putting yourself out there, then doing the work to regulate yourself. Number two is depersonalize the mission. So this is something that helped me early on in my journey when that fear or that worry about judgment sometimes became so paralyzing that I really had to tell myself, Lisa, this mission that you have to help people, to use your hearing gifts, to use your coaching gifts, to truly be living your purpose here on this planet. This is bigger than the fear of what people might say. Because the people that you are here to impact are not going to be the ones that are being loud, that are saying things that are not supportive. A lot of times the people that you're here to impact are going to be the quiet ones. They're going to be the ones that read your post or watch your video, and they don't say anything right away. Maybe they reach out with an email. I can't tell you how many emails I get from people who tell me that they are supported by the podcast or by my blog or by something I put online. Rarely are they the ones that comment underneath. A lot of times, what you're going to find when you start putting yourselves out there is that you're going to get these messages from people that are the heartfelt messages, the more private messages. And the people that just want to drop a rude comment because something you said triggered them, or they are just lashing out on individuals on the internet or in whatever space that you're in, those are the ones that can be very loud. And those are the ones that you can want to hide from. But again, if you have a mission to help the world in whatever way, shape, or fashion that is, we have to de-personalize and not make it so much about us, our worries, our fears, our limitations, even though it is our journey, it's a part of our soul journey. It's not just about other people, it is about you too. But to help work through the fear and to feel the fear and do it anyways, which is a great book. I believe it's Susan Jeffers Feel the fear, do it anyways. Number one, be okay with having some of the fear. It's okay to have some fear of judgment. It's okay to not want to be judged. We're human beings. Number three, this one is similar to number two by depersonalizing the mission. But this is getting so committed to your vision. And if you don't have a vision, this is a huge part of the Magnetic Leadership Accelerator, where we help you get crystal clear on what is that core vision that is in complete alignment with your core values, which is extremely important. The fear that we feel of judgment or the worry that comes over us, it becomes irrelevant because we get so married into our vision. It becomes so viscerally powerful that there is no doubt in our mind that that vision is something that you're here to live, to create, to bring into the world, that it's a done deal as long as you remain in alignment moving forward, that these other little pieces then become much, much smaller. The problem is when we don't have a visceral vision, when we don't have something that is our North Star, it is really easy to allow the fear of judgment or the worry of what are people gonna say to become this insurmountable mountain that then takes precedence over everything else. And what we find is when we don't have this powerful North Star that guides in light over our is very easy for the voices in our mind to then take over the worries and the doubts and the fears. It is very easy for them to get become so big and so loud that we don't we don't share our message, we don't help the people that we know that we can help. And the people that we as a human being, we as a soul came to this planet to impact with our leadership, with our perspective, with the unique gift that only we couldn't have this gift, we wouldn't have this vision, we wouldn't have this purpose if there wasn't people on the planet to benefit from it. If we allow those voices to stop us from sharing what we're here to share, that those people will not get to be impacted. Now, this isn't to put judgment. I don't want you to have any judgment. I don't want you to judge yourself if if you haven't been putting yourself out there or if you want to, but you have stopped yourself because that is part of your journey. That is part of your soul world. That is part of the work that you also came here to do is to work through it and to become more comfortable. When I first started doing this work, I was not comfortable on camera. I was not even comfortable on just audio. And how I became more comfortable was just doing it, just practicing it, not trying to be perfect, not trying to do a whole bunch of research and then do it, literally just putting up the camera and practicing. And then once you start practicing, wow, and you start doing, then you can figure things out a little bit more, do more research if you really want to master your craft. But at the beginning, it's just about turning it on and putting it up there. So this is for anyone who has something inside of them, whether you label or consider yourself a leader, a visionary, a creative, someone that has something that they want to bring into the world and share with others. This is your message to do so and to be okay with not being 100% comfortable, with feeling like, oh, you know what, there's people that look so much more confident than I am. They look so natural, it looks so easy for them. Believe me, it's not easy for a lot of them. I work with a lot of them. A lot of them are my clients. And a lot of the work that we do is to get them comfortable. I believe that confidence is something that we come into this world with. But because of the words that are spoken over us by our caregivers, a lot of times unintentionally, but still by our teachers, our mentors, our guides, people that we grow up with, a lot of this stuff starts to chip, chip, chip away at that confidence that we had when we were a young child. And a lot of the work is simply to let go, let go of what was spoken over us, let go of other people's limitations, let go of the fears of judgment, what people might say, because you know what? People are gonna say whatever they say, they have no control over that. And the more love you're gonna get, right, there's always a polar to everything. So love, and you're gonna get some of this too, and being okay with the fact that this, right? The stuff that's thrown at you, or maybe thrown at you, has absolutely nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the person throwing it. And our path is about bringing forth what we want despite all of stuff. And it takes a lot of courage and it takes a lot of discipline, and it takes a lot of consistency. And the more you can step into that courage, the more you can be consistent, the more you can let go of the stories and the words that have been spoken over you that have been other people's limitations, paths down through generations, the more you are going to walk in confidence, the more you are going to feel the confidence come over you, the more you're going to embody it and it's going to ripple out. I'm going to wrap it up. Let me know if you want me to go deeper in any aspects. Again, fear of judgment is one of the biggest fears that I work with my private clients to overcome so they can continue moving forward, so they can continue breaking through the ceiling, achieving their vision and beyond. Fear of judgment is even more prevalent than fear of failure and fear of success. So if you've been worried, if you've been unsure, if you've been holding back, head on over to my website at LisaJoffs.com. You can book a test drive consult, or if you're listening to the podcast on audio or through YouTube, head on over to the description or show notes and you can book there. Leader, I love you. I appreciate you. Thank you for listening. And as always, let's stay connected.

SPEAKER_01: 16:17

Big dreams, believing in it. Wisdom, we speak and make everything that you look for. Brought to you by Lisa Jack.